TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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