Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
