Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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