i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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