apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
apparently the secret to your success is patron
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
