this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
