Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He shit in the fireplace
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
