wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
