then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
