addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
