Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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