Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
