I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
