Can Purell be used as lube?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
