what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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