Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
