I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I deserve this hangover.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
