yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
