last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Thank you for not boning my boss.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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