I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
