I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
