Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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