Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
