So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
