so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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