my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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