I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Randomize
