i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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