Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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