Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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