I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
