literally had 100 drinks last night.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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