this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
