Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
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