Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
