you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
