My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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