I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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