ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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