I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
