at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
