I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
