you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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