i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
