Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
