i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
