when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i love accidental penises.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
