I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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