I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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