a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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