Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Houston, we have a blender
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
