I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
