Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
