I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
